亲爱的小C,

刚结束四个小时的lecture,回到家我一眼就从花花绿绿的广告传单里看见你的信,真欢喜.我上周和朋友们从hawaii度假回来,前一个学期的硝烟还未散去,暑期课程已经开始了.好多话都没来的及跟你说.

hawaii像一首失散的民谣.在这里唱着久远的人民,在海天一色处的传统生活.

这一周,我极少想到用网络,事实上,很多hotel也并不提供网络,出门也不带手机和表.每家商店都只收现金,于是连塞满银行卡的钱包也省下了.清晨无非是bikini外面套一件棉布裙子,或者衬衫,胡乱绑起头发,眉眼也懒的化,反正下水就全完了,兜里揣个几十块钱,提几瓶冰冻啤酒和可乐,就这么着摇摇晃晃的出门去也.

甚至连地图也用不上,任凭你转几个弯,总能见到一大片海.在南加州住了一年,原以为看饱了阳光海滩,可在飞机降落时候还是被hawaii的海震慑到.所谓"碧波万倾"大概能且仅能用在这里了.一层一层的嫩绿叠上去,又一圈一圈的晕开来,真正的至清见底.北边黑色岩岸壮阔疏朗,西边白沙海滩清秀俊雅,东边风大最宜冲浪,南岸火山珊瑚是潜水圣地.

天一亮就向着海边去.冲浪,独木舟,潜水,玩累了就躺着晒太阳,被日光笼罩着慢慢睡去.直到肚子饿了再爬起来,随处找一家海鲜路边滩坐下.

亲爱的小C,我在恐龙湾第一次潜水.水下居然这样宁静.静的让你只愿再沉下去一些,对于岸上的尘世最好通通失忆.和水草,珊瑚,鱼群一起呼吸.我碰到了一条七彩斑斓的大鱼,形态修长,它像水中的孔雀.我和同伴兴奋的比着手势,决心一直追下去,一直追到差点撞上珊瑚礁才回头.回家后我找了很久都没找到这种鱼的说明,简直像一个绮梦.

据说位于国际日期变更线附近的hawaii的日落是世界上最晚的地方.hawaii日落之时,全世界的天都黑了.有种开到荼蘼花事了的句点感.我在sunset beach上坐了很久很久,太阳在云层之间穿梭着下降,既而海水的颜色和光亮随之变幻.

有人撑一只独木舟向着目光所及最远处划过去,划过去,仿佛要消融在那一片波光粼粼之中.真像张爱玲所说的,"她觉得过了童年就没有这样平安过。时间变得悠长，无穷无尽，是个金色的沙漠，浩浩荡荡一无所有，只有嘹亮的音乐，过去未来重门洞开，永生大概只能是这样。这一段时间与生命里无论什么别的事都不一样，因此与任何别的事都不相干。她不过陪他多走一段路。在金色的河上划船，随时可以上岸." 甚至有一个瞬间让你着了魔,想一步步走进那金色的永生里.

日落之后的hawaii也没有路灯,街边全是高高挑起的火把,燃烧的很旺.市区的商店非常密集,LV,PRADA和水果超市并无差异的混在一起,只管捧着一颗椰子一路逛过去.酒吧也便宜的不象话.一块钱一大杯的margarita.就这么一直到半夜,光着脚回到房间,冲一把热水澡,用芦荟冰镇全身的皮肤,安稳的睡去. 

亲爱的小C,我因为带了剧本去写,所以中间有几天我和大部队脱离了,一个人待在房间写作.写累了就下楼沿着海岸跑步,和出海归来的老人聊聊天,或者什么也不做,慢慢吃掉一只菠萝,想想心里面的事.一周的时间不算太短,可在登机的时候我们每个人都有些失落.我把我的一些笑容和眼泪都留在了hawaii.这样才能更清晰的记住那个时候我的感觉.

亲爱的小C,我一边读完了你的信,一边把房间收拾好,烘干了衣服,也煮了新的茶.你总是能知道我的能量还省多少,能让我不再panic,让我安静下来.我搬进了新家,也终于买了车.那天下午搬完所有的家具后,我去原来的apartment管理员那里交钥匙,室友出来抱我,说你真的要走了吗.事实上,她再过几天也要离开这个国家了.我点点头,然后开着车按新家的地址离开了.夕阳迎面,我有些睁不开眼睛.

就那个瞬间,是有一些滋味的,谈不上感慨或者悲伤.我想应该是时间的感觉.我清楚的感觉到了时间.我到美国也快有一年了.这一年,我失去了许多许多,多到我无法回头,也没有力气再去想.但是你的信提醒了我,把最初的我又带回到我的面前,让我可以直视她的眼睛,然后拥抱她.谢谢你.

眼下新的一段生活又开始了.我下个月也要23岁了.这是个无法再回避的年纪,我们是彻彻底底的成年人了,很多事情我们必须选择成人化的做法,不管是什么样的选择,我只希望你快乐.这段话你一定看过,可我现在才真正能体味到它的意义:

"女性如何才能令自己快乐呢？我的领悟是三点：有自爱的能力，有担当，有照顾自己的能力。有了这些，什 么都不用害怕了。人生充满无常，不要靠一段关系、一些物质、金钱去给自己安全感。这些外来的东西，是没有用的，自己应该有能力去面对人生的困难。风平浪静，是幸运；但能够经受每个考验，才是幸福。"

亲爱的小C,生日快乐.

 

 

 

 

 

 

回家的路上,我一直想找一个形容词来概括看完抢七赛的心情.

终场哨声响起之时,staples center排山倒海的呼啸,从座位上仰起脸就是漫天的紫金花雨扑面而来,心里咯噔一声,是到了该说再见的时候了.

小的时候,我像<圣传>里的乾达婆王,只臣服于最强者.为那不可一世的力量与速度吸引,着迷,崇拜.我渴慕跟着天才与霸主的步伐一同登泰山而小天下.作为一支王者之师的追随者,仿佛每一声口号都更加自信嘹亮,充满了优越感.

追随强者,是绝顶凌风般的快意,支持弱者,则需要恒久的忍耐.

对于rockets的中国球迷而言,与其说是爱乌及乌的爱国主义精神,到不如说是姚将rockets带到了我们面前.

我们的确是通过姚认识了rockets,但喜欢上它则并不是单靠这一个中国籍的中锋.

在联盟里,rockets平凡到不能再平凡,它的弱点和短处昭然若揭,没有绝技傍身,没有天兵良将,每一步,每一场,甚至每一个回合,都走的相当苦涩.靠手感,靠运气,靠着这些那些的因素,兢兢业业的往前挪一点儿,然后再挪一点儿.慢慢来,等见到黄河,才心死,看见棺材,再落泪.

铁打的球场,流水的球队,这样的中人之姿,只能是拍碎在岸上的浪花,是硝烟四起中的炮灰,是NBA历史上懒得轻描淡写的只言片语.没有人斗胆期待奇迹会出现,是的,像一个倾囊而出的赌徒终究被扫地出门,用至尊宝的话来说,"他好像一条狗啊."

然而lakers的姿态亦不优美,至少从散场时候粉丝们的表情可以很明显的发现,他们也不很满意.与这样的农民起义军纠缠撕打,本来就是件有损容光的事,更何况其间还险些给摔个踉跄.

刚回到家里,坐在地毯上传照片,突然间四周墙体猛烈的晃动起来,持续到我无法忽视它的地步,大概是三十秒之内我就抓起护照,I20表,支票本,钱包,冲出了屋外.略等了一分钟,才打电话给其他同学询问,did u feel the earthquake?

Yep, why ask?

笑笑的收了线.他们是长在地震带上的孩子,时不时的摇摇晃晃不过是当好玩的.我们却不一样.真快啊,就差不多一年前的这时候,也是一阵眩晕,那时我也和他们一样,嘻嘻哈哈给朋友发短信调笑,以为只是无聊生活中的又一个新鲜的小刺激.

谁又会想到之后的一切.谁又敢去想.

大哀默默,小哀喋喋.我们还需要时间恢复,再与悲伤者一同前行.

一时间觉得很好笑,像是被打回了原形.所有的我,骄傲的,娇贵的,清高的,自恋的,都不见了,只剩下一个守着一堆证件和银行卡,只求在灾难中苟且的我,披头散发的抱着书包蹲在门边.怕丢了银行里的钱,又无法辨认身份,作为一个真正的无名氏,死在异乡.蝼蚁一样的我.

其实世间所经历的种种,都不过是bring me face to face with myself.

认识自己,直到可以完全的放下自己,

然后,上帝的归上帝,恺撒的归恺撒.

 

近日里哀家的心情如下图:

真作孽,越不让吃什么就越想吃什么..拜托你快快好起来呦.

 

周末把冰箱塞满了,是做好守城打巷战的准备.买了椰子和葡萄,抹茶红豆卷,冰冻蜂蜜蛋糕,豆浆和荠菜包子.赶作业都觉得心里塌实一些.

新房子总算敲定,小虽小了些,不过环境倒也清净,又有private bathroom,可以放心的泡汤.家里有一只年轻黑猫名唤shadow,对我非常友好,时常叼着它最爱的老鼠玩具放到我的门口.

在戏剧学院打了大半学期的工也暂停了下来,专心对付final week.签了hawaii的机票宾馆,一考完马上飞走，晒足一礼拜的太阳.

虽然前方还有千头万绪,连院长都讲我在ask for trouble,总归一点一点去挪,像几千年前的那位愚公一样先搬起第一块石头再说.

大家说我的生活看起来有够梦幻,我想只因为我乐于分享一些不同的经验罢了,那些吃苦受累灰心丧气的际遇,谁也没比谁少经历过,不提也罢.

甚至就在几天前,眼看就要到给monthly notice的期限了还没找到新房子,流离失所.两只手的拇指都因为打字过度腱鞘炎复发,僵硬的和石雕一样,被医生勒令再不休息就要长期打针.可心里着急剧本赶不完,一上火智齿又发炎,牙龈肿成一大片,揣着麻醉棉签上课,不然疼的张不开嘴.夜里突然灯泡炸了,房间一片漆黑,就像骆驼身上最后一根稻草,我没撑住,坐在地上哭.

把正好打电话来聊天的同学惊着了,没见过为只灯泡这么伤心的人啊.

诸如此类的不胜枚举.

就好比过了红海的以色列人啊,在旷野里的百年流浪.实在凄苦.可是仔细想想,我们的衣服并没有穿破,我们的脚也没有走肿.

所以就继续前进吧.

 

 

一不留神起了个过大的题目.事实上是一年一度的women in focus,世界女性电影工作者论坛又开始了.这一周来天天上课路过那些宣传海报都垂涎不已,自打预定了位置之后就一直犯花痴,太想膜拜一下这些在hollywood电影工业风口浪尖处的女人们的风采.

还不到一点studio就人满为患了,除了电影学院各届各专业师兄妹们,不知哪里冒出了好些穿着入时的摩登女郎,一个个事业有成的样子,但也和我们一样交头接耳,捧着笔记本和DVD,坐在位子上张望.这个下午,该如何形容呢.每次坐在硕大的电影院里,灯光一灭就仿佛身处一个人的孤岛,哪怕座无虚席,可黑暗中,只有自己,和对面的影象.这个下午,仿佛在孤岛上眺望,看海面冉冉升起的灯塔,有夜明珠共潮水而生.有多夺目,又有多温柔.

我曾以为这些女导演,女制片和女编剧,能有今日成就,一定多少舍弃了女性的符号,像国内的一些女导演一样,抽烟喝酒粗声粗气的讲脏话,一副大老爷们的架势,仿佛唯有如此才能在男人的天地里争得一席之地.我错的很彻底.她们竟然如此可爱,如此女人,如此时尚和精巧,在台上一字坐开,谈笑风声,就像任何一家高尚club里的女会员们,你会以为这是一次美容或者红酒沙龙.Martha是年最长者,是美国导演协会的第一任女会长,就是这位穿着桃红色cashmere毛衫,和蔼可亲的大婶拍下CSI和SEX AND THE CITY.Catherine是最近的新贵,凭着<香草的天空>的美术设计出道,目前炙手可热的twilight就是她的作品,我虽对twlight并不感冒,但也难免不为她笑眉笑眼的邻家气质打动,她一会儿用手指卷着头发,一会儿抿嘴微笑,声音又轻又小.Jocelyn算是今天最美,高个长腿,一头褐色卷发,脚上是前阵子最流行的流苏羊皮靴,裹着披肩斜斜的靠在座位上,她和她夫君双剑合壁,出品了一系列电影,有peter pan,我最好朋友的婚礼等等,还被斯皮尔伯格钦点了去导戏,怎么能有这么时髦的导演?我连拍个短片都灰头土脸的,惭愧啊惭愧.

我要单起一行说说我的偶像kimberly! Boys don't cry影响了多少和我一样的女孩子们.整个下午,我的眼睛一刻也不能离开她,她那么瘦,那么小,却又那么潇洒伶俐,剪了薄薄的细碎的短发,披一件轻软的半长皮衣,忽而跃上讲台,又索性躺在地上翘着脚和我们一起看自己的电影片段回顾,她说话节奏很快,拿自己开涮,又拿压迫过自己的投资方头头开涮,说起举债卖房子拍片的事,或者在南亚当了五年摄影记者的事,就好像是网上看来的一则俏皮故事,没有忿忿,没有忧伤,也没有感慨.因为她的速度太快了,她一直在往前走.拍完the L word,kimberly说在筹备的新戏是一部性喜剧. 从来没有见过这样的女人,kimberly,我没有白白喜欢这么多年.

结束的时候我并没有挤进人群的中央和她们说上几句话,即使真的排队等到了,我又要说什么呢?我喜欢她们的作品,它们给我带来过不同的想法,这才是最恰当的关系.

 

我家亲爱的小C烟花四月才下扬州,发给我看烟雨蒙蒙的瘦西湖,杨柳幼细婆娑,我好想你哦...

保佑一下自己,下周末去吃Todai!带着荣美的期望,总有个角落在发生好事呦~

 

今天LA妖风四起,从主校区下班回家路上只见浓云泼墨,烈风滚滚,吹的我头晕眼花,以为要三打白骨精.

所有的假期都是短的,春假更短,还没咂摸过味来又投身到赶deadline的事业之中了.最近情绪不佳,消沉的有些过了分了.嫌弃看英文,觉得处处不高兴.不是这海滩阳光不好,只是哪里抵得过家乡的清明时节雨呢.

最近好几个熟识的女孩子带了男朋友回皖南了.纷纷po出照片,勾我思乡.

是啊,又到了喝新茶的时节,合该领着心爱的人,回去,回到一片青砖素瓦之中.洗手煮茶,再摆两三碟时令的茶果,读读旧书,散步去看那远处青山如黛,油菜花灿烂可爱.

江淮女子素有北国胭脂之节烈,又带南方碧玉的燕婉.你倾心相待,要她"宛转蛾眉马前死"都可以.

 

以前走哪包里都带着小木梳子和润唇膏,怕人前不雅不美,现在是止疼药和安眠药.只要不人前失态就可以了.不像在家,抱着枕头满床滚着喊疼,自有妈妈来拍着哄着喝生姜红糖水.摸着包里还有药,在现场一盯12个小时也安心些.切不可在外人面前出丑丢脸.

说到安眠药,我又要小记一笔,他们不过就是sleeping pills,我们则有名曰"忆梦返". 噫!

 

又:眼看着一篇篇书评都出来了,拗不过好奇读了些片段,更着急想看<小团圆>啦!

 

 

本次旅程特别鸣谢不笑很有气质笑起来就很甜美的发条橙子和劳苦功高热爱抓拍的YS同学.

昨天晚上兢兢业业的写游记,眼看着再写几个字就要po了,一挥手,全没了.

心里那个沮丧.照片都在相册里,就不重复了.

写那么长的流水帐,是想逼自己记得所有的细节,用轻快的笔触,是想今后回忆起来也是一样轻快的心情.

很多事情你以为会非常难忘,但真的有一天也就这么忘记了.

一路开夜车回LA,到家时候正是黎明前最黑的时候,我们在山顶上停车加油,夜风呼啸而过,远处的LA城市璀璨灯火宛如大理石桌面上的一碗水银,整个星空前所未有的逼近,我看见悬在头顶上的一把巨大的勺子,我猜它就是北斗七星吧.

两天三夜的旧金山之行,是我来美国这八个月第一次出门,连教授都劝我逛逛大好河山,不用一直宅在小小的OC与功课纠结.造物主真的对美国格外偏爱一些,赐予它如此辽阔的一片海湾,让它得天独厚,立于不败之地.

 

清晨的阳光下在金门大桥上自由的漫跑;

舔着全世界最好吃的冰淇淋在夕阳的渔人码头看海狮晒太阳;

沿着haight区一家家尖顶可爱的嬉皮士小店逛过去;

st.mary大教堂里七彩琉璃的屋顶下的默默祈祷;

在stanford的main quard的长廊边,安静的坐在草地上读书;

海湾公路上一路飞驰,大声唱歌,看两边的山谷静谧,海水悠蓝;

这些都是想要和亲爱的人一起度过的事情,都是旅行的意义.

 

最满意的纪念品是在castro区(最著名的同性恋街区,永远飘扬着彩虹旗帜)找到harvey milk的小店,居然还在经营,很低调的艺术品店,并没有在兜售milk的相关产品,除了一小面墙上有他的彩色肖像画.买了一个树皮做的笔记本.我不知道会写下些什么.

如果有下一次,我还想再在渔人码头的任何一家lounge bar里喝醉.上了年纪的band搭配的桑塔那老歌非常下酒.又淳朴的拿喝生啤的超大直筒杯装鸡尾酒,我素来长袖不善饮,mai tai 和长岛冰混着喝,一会儿就茫了.回宾馆的电梯口就掌不住了,一口至少吐了40刀的铁板大海蟹吧,那个心疼的.还硬赖是半夜的码头海风太大,旧金山的路太陡,司机同学技术太烂把我整晕车了.

我故意要茫一下.要那么样的一刻钟,世界全是大雾,听见自己乱七八糟的心跳,然后笑嘻嘻的口若悬河,话从前,想当年.

 

 当然女人们的每一次旅行都是以购物结束,我们在union square杀进杀出,虽说都是哪儿都有的牌子,但难免有隔锅饭香的心理,我以和时间赛跑的速度拿下一条AF毛边短裤.都说旧金山会让人有种回家的感觉,我想指的应该是城市结构,这里的市区可以是南京西路,也可以是西单或新光天地,是我熟悉的样子.所以一从AF出来时候猛望见对街的zara,我差点没穿越到去年夏天淮海路,也是欧式建筑下藏蓝色的门面.那天我刚拿到美国visa,大餐之后疯狂的扫货.我记得我试了一条非常赫本的小黑裙,但因为背后快露到腰了,还是放下了.那个夏天,我自作多情的在踌躇满志和离愁别绪之间辗转.

 

总得来说旧金山是个谦逊的城市,就连夜晚的金门大桥也没有披红挂绿张灯结彩.因为它有经历,所以更加成熟和包容.

我自认从来不是一个运气好的人,所以更应该学会萍水相逢.

 

又:一回来就听说家乡地震了.虽然只有3.4级却也让我惴惴不安,为祖国祷告.中国平安.

 

太准了!

找工作，面临搬迁，计划延迟，巨蟹们都来看（直接看summary好了）

金星逆行即将结束，我的倒霉日子也该到头了．

susan miller
Cancer (June 21 - July 22)

　　Your career could be at the very top of your mind as April opens. At the end of last month, just after the new moon, March 26, opportunities for a new and better job may have begun to emerge. If you didn't see too much happening at that time, intensify your efforts later, in the second half of April. Mars is on the way to help you and will enter your high-level career house from April 22 to May 31.
　　It really doesn't matter what type of work you may be seeking - a promotion at your present firm, a new high-status job at a competitive company, or the start of your own company that you will set up. No matter what you have in mind, you can see good progress in April. 　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　That new moon that appeared at the end of March was a key moment, for it was ready and able to help you see victory. You've not had much help in this realm from the cosmos prior to this, and to move up, it often hinges on having a positive new moon. This one conjoined Venus, suggesting good things would be said about you in the upper echelons.
　　 There was one problem with that new moon, however, in that it was in hard mathematical angle to Pluto. You may have had problems getting things off the ground in a timely manner. You may have had to battle obstacles, including office politics that may have seemed unusually aggressive or outright unfair. OK - that's real life, but don't dwell on that. They are just that - obstacles - but they need not stop you. You can outwit them, but you've got to stay on your toes. If you are starting your own business, be sure you understand tax and labor rules, as Pluto rules the government, too. Alas, not knowing the law doesn't mean you don't have to comply with them - you do!
　　 This month, you will have help from Mars in your quest for a better job, beginning April 22 when Mars moves into Aries and into this same house, your tenth house of honors, awards, achievement, and fame. This is precisely where you will want Mars to be, for this small but feisty, energetic planet can make you unusually assertive and single minded in your quest to win the job you have in mind. Mars will put a spotlight on you - that is what you want!
　　 Even if you have been unemployed for some time, as has been the case for many people in this economy, you still have every reason to be optimistic. You've not had this kind of high-level help from Mars for a very long time (two years to be exact), so this month from April 22-30, give your job search your all. You will have Mars next month too, but there will be different roadblocks in May that I will describe in a moment. For now, be determined to be quite the sprinter in April.
　　 Any high level person who has promised to give you a fine reference will deliver on that promise. With Venus and Mars both traveling in your house of career status after April 22, the buzz about you will be very upbeat. Venus has been retrograde, and as a result, you may have had to put up with slow progress, with many delays in your search for a new job. At month's end, you will be gratified that you are on track and moving quickly.
　　 You may have been distracted by certain conditions going on at home, perhaps a housing or other aspect regarding a living condition. Or, you may need to concentrate on a matter regarding a roommate or a family member. Whatever is on your mind, it will consume you enough to prevent you from committing to an all-out career effort. This is only temporary, for Venus retrograde has been to blame - but once Venus resumes a fast track from April 17 onward, you should feel back in the saddle and ready to become a very determined competitor. Venus will not go retrograde again this year.
　　 Whatever you've been focused on at home will finally reach an important point April 9, at the full moon. You may feel things plus or minus four days from this date, April 9. This is actually a good full moon because Jupiter will be very friendly to it, so solutions will come up.
　　 It would not be wise to be out of town over this weekend, for it looks like you'll need to attend to something important going on at home, with your present home, other real estate, or in regard to something happening at home. Full moons bring closure, so after this date, you will more easily direct your attention to your career.
　　 As I had outlined, Venus will go direct one week AFTER this full moon arrives on April 9. Venus was retrograde since March 6, so there are several indications in your chart that thing are about to go much better once Venus "wakes up" on April 17. And then, with Mars about to move into your career house on April 22, you should certainly be zooming forward at that time. Use this phase to your advantage, dear Cancer.
　　 I am not sure why the timing I have stated seems a little bit odd - the full moon will crystallize home-related matters within four days of April 9, but Venus, ruler of your home sector, will not regulate its orbit until April 22. I suppose you will have to get details tied up in the days that follow the full moon. One thing is for sure - you won't be so focused on home or family after the full moon has fully waned, and you'll be free to devote yourself to your career from then on.
　　 Keep in mind that some of your very best career progress will take place from April 22 to 30. Next month, another planet, Mercury, will retrograde from May 7 to 30. That planet will create more - but different - delays. In late April you will do best by looking at listings, replying to ads, and scheduling formal meetings.
　　 Next month, in May, you will make the most progress by going back to former employers, old-pal colleagues, and past co-workers who may be able to point you in solid, practical directions you may not have considered. Next month, doing cold calling won't bring you nearly as close to a new job as will re-contacting people who know you from the past and who can vouch for your character, judgment, skills, and work ethic.
　　 You can really make a name for yourself, but after this phase, you won't have cosmic help this strong for months. Later in the year, by the end of October, Saturn will move into your family sector, and so you may have your hands full with family matters again or real estate matters. This will represent a very long, three-year trend that is coming on the horizon. It really is critical that you use for all it's worth the lovely career window that will open in late April.
　　 In matters as important as career, be sure to read for your rising sign. Your rising sign can only be determined by having your natal chart done, but once you do, your rising sign never changes. Perhaps you have done your natal chart. If so, please be sure to read for your rising sign every month when you read my forecasts for Astrology Zone, for the rising sign is every bit as important to read as your Sun sign to find the timing of opportunities. Cancer, when you read for that sign, you may find out about more career opportunities that I cannot see here.
　　 I do natal charts for readers in a very comprehensive way. For more information, look for the part on adult natal charts on MyPersonalHoroscope.com.
　　 In the first three weeks of April, you'll have opportunities to travel for any reason, business or pleasure. Mars in Pisces is a sensational place for Mars to be for you, so you should feel that generally things are going your way. If you are involved in any kind of import or export of goods, services, or information, you should see a great deal of demand for your work. Foreign people and places are sweet spots for you, as are publishing and broadcasting industries.
　　 Uranus and Mars will meet up in this house of travel and information on April 15, so you may be taking an unexpected trip on this day. Knowing this, you won't want to have anything pressing on your agenda. If you do, it's likely you'll have to change your schedule, possibly very quickly.
　　 Uranus is the planet of completely unexpected news, and when poked by Mars on April 15, you do have to keep alert and flexible. Chances are in your favor that you will welcome the news of this day because both of these planets will be in Pisces, a sign that blends so well with your Cancer Sun. If you were born on or near July 16, these two planets will send a sweet vibe to your Sun - and you'll have outstanding chances for a surprising success. No guarantees here - I cannot see everything in your chart, but it's looking good.
　　 There are several areas that might be on your mind on April 15: You may get a surprise piece of information from a contact based overseas or who is based in your country, at a great distance from you. Or, a publishing or broadcasting project may come up, or you may be interviewed in the press.
　　 College matters may show progress, too. You may hear news from a university that you had applied to, with surprising results. You may not get into one college you thought would be easy for you to gain entry, but be invited into another college you thought would be nearly impossible to be invited to attend. Uranus, when teamed with Mars, tends to set things upside down. Whenever you have Uranus, you never know, but it looks upbeat for you, dear Cancer.
　　 With all the emphasis on career, home, travel, and other things, you must be thinking, "When am I going to have a little fun and time for myself?" It is coming, for sure!
　　 Watch what occurs over Friday night, April 24, or the weekend of April 25-26 - it's sure to make you happy. The new moon of April 24 will cook up plenty of social activity for you, and from then on, you will have lots of reasons to get out and widen your circle of friends and acquaintances.
　　 At that time, it looks like you will be surrounded with many people and you will be able to network very effectively, too. Aside from that, it appears you will have a special event to go to such as a wedding, reunion, or other celebration. You may have tickets to a concert or play, or visit a theme park, baseball game, or other fun activity that draws many people together. In fact, you may be going to a seminar or trade show as well, and if so, it won't feel like work - you will be able to mix business and pleasure.
　　 If you hope to make new friends, the last week of April will be your moment to join a new club or attend a special program put on by a group you are a member of now.
　　 If you do strike up a conversation with someone you'd like to know better, follow up! Suggest that you both meet for lunch or a cup of coffee soon. There seems to be some sort of important information you and your new acquaintance can share. Jupiter will be beautifully oriented toward that new moon, suggesting that you may even be able to trade some interesting career leads as well that might prove profitable. Aside from career benefits, new friends will add a bit of sparkle to your life.
　　 You may also get surprise help from a current friend at this very same time of the month, April 24. When the news comes you'll probably be amazed. You will have Mercury (news) and Uranus (surprises) to thank for that - fortunately these two planets will be at very supportive angles. As you see, while you will be focused on home or family at the start of the month and on career all month, your friends will have a much bigger part to play later in the month, and you'll enjoy that change.
　　 Romance may blossom this month too, particularly on the weekend of April 11-12 and also on or very near April 23, when the Sun will receive a fine beam from a very supportive Pluto. Those days will have extra benefit to those Cancers born early in the sign, in June.
　　 Another sexy, sweet day for romance worth five stars will be April 21, when Venus and Mars will make a rare and heavenly conjunction - perfect for those Cancers born late in their sign, near July 20. You may even travel on a vacation at this time, and it would be an ideal time to be away.
　　 You've a big month, filled with activity, dear Cancer. Make the most of it!
　　 Summary
　　 You are lucky - you have so much going for you in April. Stay focused on career goals, for you can make an enormous amount of progress. You have the new moon of late last month to help you in early April, and by the time that energy has faded, you will have Mars swinging into action beginning April 21 through May 30 to help you implement your plans and competitive advantage.
　　 The only problem with last month's new moon was that it was not friendly toward Pluto, suggesting that any position you aim for will bring along some very vigorous and possibly even ruthless competition that will stop at nothing to get the job you want. Don't let this discourage you. This only shows the condition, not the outcome - the outcome is up to you. You will have to clearly - and memorably - present the reasons why you are the better choice. You'd most likely encounter this in early April, but not so much later. When you have Mars on your side, you'll be equipped to fight fire with fire.
　　 Venus has been in your house of fame and honors, but has been in weak retrograde orbit since March 6. Once Venus normalizes on April 17, you can more easily get help from references and high level executives whom you know and who want to help you.
　　 Venus happens to be IN your house of career, but it RULES your house of home - so Venus retrograde has been a distraction because something involving home, property, or family seems to have tugged on you. It's very possible that you've been a bit drained by whatever was taking so much of your attention, and it may have been hard to focus on other things, such as your career.
　　 Mercury will retrograde from May 7 to 30, making May a month of delays and of looking back, not forward. Be as productive as you can this month while you have strong cosmic support.
　　 That will all change now. The full moon April 9 will help you find solutions and closure. Shortly after that, Venus' turn direct on April 17 will help you tie up loose ends and forge forward. It does not seem that you'll be thinking about home again until the fall.
　　 Foreign people and all sorts of distant domestic and foreign travel could be golden for you. Watch this area as potentially very lucky. If opportunities in your country seem slim, think about importing or exporting your skills elsewhere. Publishing and broadcasting industries glow for you now too, especially during the first three weeks, while Mars will brighten this area until April 22. This is a very broadening influence, and certainly you seem to be enjoying it.
　　 One day that could be either very, very good or very, very bad is April 15 when Mars (energy or strife) conjoins Uranus (surprise developments). These two planets will meet in Pisces, a sign good for you. I would say, just don't take any chances by provoking anyone with a controversial or inflammatory remark. Those born at the end of the sign, near July 20, are likely to benefit because both planets will be in the right position to send good news. Let's hope so!
　　 You'll get a chance to enjoy fun and romance once the new moon appears, April 26. This would be a fine time to plan on getting out more and mingling with other people. You may decide to join a new club or volunteer for a charity. Even efforts on a small scale, such as an idea to participate in a "5K Run for a Cure" to raise awareness for a charity dear to you, or donating blood to the Red Cross, would bring a warm feeling of gratification. Doing things for charity would be such a good idea for many reasons. When you change your normal "orbit," you open the door for random opportunity to blossom.
　　 One of your favorite days will be April 22, when Mars and his lover Venus will conjoin - it should be a day that's due to be simply divine.
　　 Dates to Note:
　　 Career progress will be much improved in April, especially in the first week and then later, from April 22-30
　　 Venus will go direct on April 17, allowing you to raise your profile and increase the good word about you in your search for a better job.
　　 A home or family matter will be settled at the full moon, April 9 plus or minus four days.
　　International interests shine April 1-20. Travel and import-export will bring good news.
　　 Expect surprising developments involving foreign people and places, and broadcasting and publishing: April 15.
　　If you need to travel, do so anytime from April 1-21.
　　Mercury will go retrograde: May 7 to 30.
　　 A sensational day awaits you: April 22.
　　 Romance will be best: April 1-2, 10, 11, 15, 21, and 24-30.

 

自从念MFA起,我大概是把前后20年的夜都熬光了,最好是.

都说凌晨12点到2点这段时间最关键,肝脏排毒,美容和健康在此一举.于是我的中庸方案是,从12点睡到3,4点的样子再起来写作业.

清晨的南加州总算还有一些清冽的空气,又出奇的安静,泡一壶好菊普,效率反而高.写不下去的时候就记个周记换换脑子.

很久没有拍照片了,据说这是一种潜在对自己不满的表示.有时候整理我小的不能再小的房间,用纸箱子把国内带来的高跟鞋一双双装好,漆皮的,鱼嘴的,尖跟的,统统束之高阁.还有那些雪纺的,羊绒的,丝绸的,兔毛的一切娇贵材料的衣服都再没穿过一次.我变得粗糙,笨重,变得不像一个女孩子.唯一还没放弃的就是吃.熬夜的时候会褒一盅银耳莲子,或者苡仁红枣,绝对不吃泡面.每天都喝牛奶,吃至少一种水果.

上周五是整个电影学院的大日子,三年级导演系的毕业thesis screening.大银幕的力量是不可抵抗的,哪怕是在剪辑房看了无数遍的demo还会很有感觉.每个作品结束,剧组都会上台,导演一一介绍主创人员,所有有份参加制作的同学也会在座位上起立,大家一起笑,一起挥手,一起鼓掌.看到熟悉的朋友平时忙的灰头土脸没个人样的,现在也通通dress up在台上挥手,心里挺感动的.尤其是一个女导演的影片,讲冷战时期的波兰,一位母亲如何带着自己的孩子通过封锁出境.她说这是我妈妈童年的真实故事,她今天也在现场.老太太颤巍巍站起来和大家挥手.

 

最近又开始听<旋木>.写歌词的那个男生叫杨明学,年轻有才华,却身患罕见的癌症.这首歌写给他不离不弃的女友.几个月后,这个男生走了.后来他的女友变的自闭,厌世,直到又有一个男生,坚持不懈的陪在她身边,慢慢柔软她的心.

为什么我又想起这些事呢?因为最近这个女孩子结婚了.在她的婚礼前一天夜里,她做梦梦见了杨明学，梦见他生病的样子,掉了头发,瘦弱的,苍白的坐在轮椅上,穿着很正式的西装,对她说,祝你幸福.女孩子哭着醒来,然后参加婚礼.在婚宴的现场,新郎走出来的时候唱了这首歌<旋木>,他告诉她,这不应该是首哀伤的歌,杨明学也一定希望最后是个快乐的结局.然后他们一起上山祭奠了新娘的前男友.

这是一个幸运的女孩子,前后遇见了两个优秀的男子,前者情深,后者大度.真想为此写一个剧本.

每周小八卦:

Sean Penn最爱喝的是white russian(跟我一样嗷嗷嗷)

Anne Rice(夜访吸血鬼的作者)当年在audition和casting的时候非常不满意,大发雷霆.我说奶奶,阿汤,小皮,加邓斯特你都不满意,你还要怎样才满意~~~~

下个月最让我期待的是the L word 和 boy's dont cry的女导演Kimberly Peirce,是个美人哦.

 

 

 

 

最近两天密集看了几部片.趁热乎记一点感觉,免得忘了.

1.Watchmen

正当红啊.可能因为没看过原著,感受力来的迟钝一些.

救世英雄的毁灭之路.神诋的最后崩溃.

又要忠于原著又要展现宏大叙事是很不容易的,摄影很好,特技很好,时尚大片.

印象最深的台词是来自正面全裸的小蓝人Dr.manhattan:"we're all puppets. I'm just a puppet who can see the strings."

2.Coraline

改编的漫画作品.我看得津津有味.concept很好.what if你发现有一个平行的日常生活,而且还是要有趣的多的平行世界?

情节严格按照3acts 8seqs走,当然几乎所有的卡通片都不得不这么走,以至于精准到,每一个情节点,我瞄一眼手机,准确的30mins了,middle point了,false ending了...也未免就太...

人物很Cute!就是要这种拙拙的感觉.

3.Ikiru

课堂讨论片.美国孩子们没什么兴趣...意料之中.

当男主角在大雪夜里默默的荡秋千,轻轻哼着那首旧歌,一直到冻死,我却看得有些泛泪光了.

也许无所事事的生活的很麻木的人看一看,可以得到些启示.这么说可能太正面,太主旋律,可是这也是电影最朴素的美德吧.

谁料到我被叫起来回答Ikiru和2001太空漫游还有亚里士多德的poetics甚至watchmmen之间的联系啊...教授的思维...有时候真的很像脱了疆的野狗.奈...

4.single white female

为了大剧本写作而看.

恩...各方面都很工整吧.但为什么时代感这么重啊,90s的NYC...

如果真的情节发展不下去,最好的办法就是把主角写成个神经病吗.神经病这个理由未免也太好用了.

5.persona

也是为了大剧本写作来看.教授看了我的梗概就强烈推荐的.

不知道今晚为什么,哪里来的豹子胆在写作业之前放这一片热身.

号称伯格曼最神秘的作品.我看根本就是最惊悚的吧!区区1个小时20分钟比我看过的任何一个恐怖大片都不堪忍受,尤其当最后一段2次重复的关于婴儿的讨论,和两张合并在屏幕上的半脸.片头和片尾那个古怪的男孩.bibi andersson, liv ullman还有bergman本身的关系.第二我,面具,灵魂.

脑仁子疼...不敢再想了.

 

来一个轻松点的:

惊闻Accepted是在我校拍的.......

原来...我读的就是SHIT大学啊...窘!

 

 

 

上周的剧本讨论课,像有怪力乱神作用,我发挥的异常出色,一直滔滔不绝直到三个小时后下课.

放学时候steven一个问题把我问倒了,他说,

"为什么你那么喜欢写死?"

我语塞到快噎死.

回家把长的短的assignments全拿出来,第一次发现真的每一个故事都和死亡有关,自杀,凶杀;为仇,为情;死于非命,死于天命.

我似乎对死亡有种自然的联想,让我的人物死的合情合理.他们必须得死.

在网上看到一个农村留守学生跳楼的视频,重症肌无力患者,非常艰难的翻过教学楼天台的栏杆,在两千多师生面前,颤颤巍巍的,一跃而下.

人们在他床头的墙壁上找到用小刀刻着的两个字,是命.

看完之后说不出的感觉,头皮发麻.也许几年前,我也是站在舆论人群中的一个,满口身体发肤,责任义务.可是现在觉得,也许就是命吧.

 

自从kate称后,有意找了些她的旧作来看,eternal sunshine of the spotless mind一直听人介绍,今天第一次看.

You can erase someone from your mind. Getting them out of your heart is another story.

 

在HM买了有绢作的小雏菊辫绳,故意做旧的褪色效果,淡黄的花瓣,松松在脑后挽一个髻,也很好看.想起大二那年的春天,我和段段总爱一起买便宜的花布裙子,我穿茜素红,她穿孔雀蓝,挽着木手柄的手提袋,段段头发长,瀑布一样又黑又密,可以直接缠成一个鬏,我则还要多加一枝老银钗子.

我们摇摇晃晃的坐在学校圆形广场的正中央,喝一两罐低档啤酒,或者分一支走私的英国女烟,等满腿都是蚊子咬的包时,再摇摇晃晃的回寝室,分头给喜欢的男孩子发一两条信息,在花露水和电扇的吱呀声中睡着.

那样很廉价的生活.却也是很好很好的.

下午早早从图书馆回来,洗好澡,坐在沙发上擦头发,手边放着新泡的菊普和榛子巧克力(我知道我错了TOT),电脑也搬到客厅来,和国内的朋友实况转播.ABC上火毯刚走到一半,室友就风风火火从现场杀回来了.虽然不像under的小朋友那样还要专门办个party聚众观看,但好歹一年一度的大会最新精神,我们还是要领悟领悟,传达传达的.

第一次看直播,居然还有些小小激动.

总得来说,水晶宫很美,五位颁奖人的形式也很好.这一年的oscar不算大年,也不至于小年,所以想猜中所有奖项是很容易的,尤其发条橙同学总结的"看谁站中间"原则非常管用.

但评委会的心思和自己的心思总还有些差别,不然我也太官方了吧,以下是我自己的oscar:

supporting actress我自己搬给Viola Davis( Doubt). 只有一场戏,只有两个场景,就可以表现的如此张力,并且增加了剧情的厚度和层次.

最终得奖的是penelope cruz( Viky Cristina Barcelona).搬给美女当然没话讲,我和阿莫多瓦一样爱她^.^

 

best actor我自己搬给Mickey Rourke( Wrestler). 年轻的时候俊美不差布来德皮特,是如日中天的无敌偶像,可是这个爆脾气的大笨蛋,运气和脾气一样差.错过的和拒绝过的电影有<雨人><低俗小说><野战排>和<沉默的羔羊>.他毫无顾及的他走了,真的去摔跤,结果把一张俊脸打的稀巴烂.整容后更是惨不忍睹.然后他决定回来.回到电影里.这时候没有一个导演和制作人能够容忍他.只能从一个个小配角,慢慢的爬回来,像一条丧家犬.可是他终于回来了.当主持人说"mickey,welcome back"的时候,台下很多男明星第二次眼睛红了.(另一次红是颁给heather ledger的"死人安慰奖')

最终得奖的是sean penn( Milk). 当然是优秀的好演员.可是Milk的成功其实最归功于他的制作人,Dan Jinks.没有这位在哪都吃的开的爷,你以为一个gay/politics电影能拿到什么奖.into the wild小潘表现的也不差,可惜就是没有这么好的制作人.

 

best actress我自己搬给kate winslet (The reader),最后也是搬给她.没什么好说的.很早之前就看了这本书,女主角汉娜的dynamic不是任何一个hollywood女明星可以驾驭的.kate没话说.

可是一转念又觉得对meryl streep很不公平.

对这位妈,大家的感觉就是,我知道您演得好还不行吗.可是提名了十五次了.走出非洲没有得,法国中尉的女人没得,廊桥遗梦还没得.是评委会太不公平,还是审美疲劳了?非要把她逼成第二个马丁西科塞斯吗.

说回到今年的Doubt上.很难想像如果换了一个人演meryl的角色,整个戏会变成什么样.她是一个让人放心的演员.可能太让人放心了.不负众望,可能也就没有惊喜了.

 

当看到最佳剪辑和摄影都给了slumdog的时候就知道最佳影片就是它,老规矩了.有的猜火车fans很不爽它,觉得danny boyle没了锐气,没了愤怒,从一个锐不可当的rocker变成一个中规中矩讲艺术讲故事的正剧导演.可我觉得正剧并没有什么错.同样是正剧,david fincher不就没把本杰明整好么.首先是编剧的问题,eric roth把它弄的太像阿甘正传,又在改编的时候没做好取舍,故事变得太长而拖沓.当然菲茨杰拉德的小说太有个人context,要下手也很难.不过我一爱cate blanchett的清雅气质,二爱结尾处的隽永排比,所以在奶爸皮特以婴儿之身死在老太太怀抱里时,我以为自己不感动,过后想一想,还是有一些清清淡淡的感动,自然的流淌出来.不激烈,也不澎湃,但是还是感动了.

 

很久没有这么单纯的快乐了,于是意犹未尽的写下了这篇日记,为着记录下电影给我最直觉的感触.这也是我最初选择去学习它了解它从事它的朴素原因.

 

PS:补充一个小故事,今年的最佳音乐是slumdog的rahnan.室友相当激动的告诉我这个矮胖子可就是印度音乐界的周杰伦啊.他就是个slumdog,九岁丧父,才华横溢又生性腼腆,通过不懈的奋斗终于创造了印度音乐界的历史. 很厉害嘛胖叔!

听了好几个月的<捞月亮的人>终于换了,是春晓和彭坦的<我们的小世界>,一对愉快的情侣,愉快的曲调,愉快的心情.

 

 

 

 

所谓瓦伦丁节，就是在通宵赶完剧本，猛灌下一壶expresso，头晕眼花的缩在椅子里听了三个小时的Adaptation lecture之后迎来了．

眼一睁一闭,回美国半个月了,piapia地~

年初一晚上收拾行李,放肆的大哭了一场.这哭和第一次在浦东海关门搂着爸妈哭的不一样,那时候,自以为从繁冗的申请和签证中解脱出来,几分新鲜几分雄心,纵使离别间,也并不伤感,不过星星点点陪着自小娇纵我的妈妈撒几滴麻油.这一次是出去了,回来了,吃过些苦头,碰了些墙壁,晓得些事理, 再从温柔乡里生生拔起来摔到异乡去, 真是打心眼里的不情愿了.

 

但到了哪个山头就唱哪个山歌.在哪边就得过好哪边的日子.

在飞机上MC折腾的死去活来,落地后照样组装新床垫,挪柜子,拆箱子,付bills,把柴米油烟补充起来,一回生二回熟,累了就混在垫子箱子间眯一会儿,两三天就又一切恢复照旧了.接着就开学,四门全是写作课,又要考路考,找intern,申part-time job,准备意大利visa,一口气没歇就过去半个月了.

日记早就甩到脑后了,还周记本呢，变半月谈了都.

即使写了也是索然无味的日常生活.那些悲春伤秋的闲功夫,对现在步履为艰的我来说,实在太奢侈了.

不写,就是我很好.尚还提着一口气在撑.

这几天,加州连续下了好几天罕见的大雨.雨后的天空更加好看,云层浮动,月影姗姗.

换了Queen size的床垫后，蜗居变的更小.可是好睡眠抵挡一切.

feature writing的大头头教授是变态杀人魔电影的死忠,望着满纸psycho,saw,zodiac,真想仰天长叹...这课实在是该亲爱的小无敌,cookie,ODY来上,都比我强啊.不过作为荷里活生产线的一枚标准螺丝钉,号称十项全能长江路第一快手的我,也得硬着头皮赶上.

真的极少外食,在家做饭也已经开始不吃红肉和米饭,睡觉前挂腿看几页邱妙津的蒙马特遗书.因为是托朋友从台湾带的,直排印刷,让我降低了阅读速度,反而更像一个字一个字烙了进心里,我很爱你,邱妙津.我心中年轻华语女作家前三名.

每天一到两部电影,一般一新一旧搭配.时常怀念寒假一起陪我看电影的你们,我们分享了美好的时光.特别要提的是,自从看了<贫民富翁>以后,有很多天心里装不下其他电影,看了也是水过无痕,只因为它太好太好,结构与内容,情绪与故事,imdb上毫不由于打10分的在我还不算多.甚至回到学校后看到印度同学都多几分敬意.

 

偷来一张图.逍遥津公园里我最喜欢的地方.这或许是我的大象情结的起源.

十六年前,有一位小朋友抗着巨大的画夹在这树阴下坐了一下午,喝掉三瓶橘子汽水,水彩笔撒了一地,画出她最满意的大象滑梯.后来这幅画带给她生命中第一次荣耀,满足了她尚未开窍的虚荣.

 

去年的今天,我急性盲肠炎发作,大半夜的去省历医院吊水,回来后骗妈妈说睡了,却在被窝里猫了一夜,试着用最山寨的windows movie maker和几张照片素材做一个小小的短片作为礼物.机器太慢,我又手拙,在无数次死机和重起之后,总算完成,不过一分多钟而已.窗外天都亮了，胡乱的把笔记本推到一边,一头歪在枕头里昏睡过去.梦里有人推门的声音,轻轻替我拢了拢被角.

现在我有自己的suite,最好的avid editing软件,学校几百万美金的机器,剪辑技术也是特效伸手就来,可是当初那些拙拙的心境,就着芳草连天细雨,却都带将春去了.

曾誉我为"贯串生命的快乐"的人,生日快乐.

我决心这次一定要写完这篇日志.

自从寒假开始,每次打开日记的页面,闲闲散散打不到两三行,索性关了去做别的事.甚至在所谓圣诞,跨年这样的主要时间点都没有留下只言片语,实在是懒极了.

有太多的回忆和故事留在08年了，这一年注定被许多人铭记,于我个人的轨迹来说,也有着举足轻重的意思.回首向来萧瑟处,我只记得一年前的这时候,稀有的大雪封锁了所有的回家的路,我们被困在小小的屋檐之下.费劲了百般周折,才硬挤上火车,站着,靠着才到了家.回家的第二天我就穿着红色毛线裙跑到附近的公园拍雪景,抢在融化前留住它,完全忘记了它之前带来的曲折与不便.

今年的冬天我一直生病,从虚惊一场的皮脂腺囊肿,到反复发作的咳嗽,一直没有断过,回LA的机票改签了一次,可眼下也指日可待了,而老天却依然没有一点要下雪的意思.看来是白受了一场寒.我仍心存侥幸,希望走之前能等到第一场雪.

回来的这些日子,因为生病,又是第一次回家,所以终日窝在家里,陪在老爷太太身边.陪太太做指甲,敷脸,炖个羊腿,然后酒足饭饱之后,等着老爷一嗓子"闺女,过来拉个片子."于是两个人挤着一个屏幕选一个好电影.

看了些书,有重读的旧爱也有刚从卓越订回家的新书,有一直没耐性认真读的专著,也有年轻作者的新故事.每日入睡之前翻两页.港大的学弟好心告知我,港大图书馆的作者名单里还有你哦.

买的最多的还是调料和食材,毕竟后面有一年的伙食要自己打理.有时候在饭桌上应酬,心里倒还盘算着,哎哎这一桌菜要是能跨时空打包到LA,吃上一星期也是够的.没出息样儿.和闺密熊猫一起吃遍记忆中的绝顶小吃,张正的里脊串子,梨花巷的酸菜鱼,贵妃凉皮,八中旁边的牛肉粉丝,吃吃吃.那个...当然是又胖了.

最愉快的是见着了老朋友.看着段儿还坐在我旁边唱着大学时候"每K必点"的歌,看着路老和包总还是互相打趣,热热闹闹,看着以前寝室里的姐妹纷纷拖着滚烫出炉的新姑爷请我吃火锅,真好.回一次家,最要紧的就是见上一面.有的缘分,我们都还不想散,得好好的续上.

还写了几封没寄出去的信.

然后呢?

于是又开始打包行李了.脑子里又开始盘算着另一回事,存汇票赶紧把学费交了,厨房的厨具都得消毒,有空把临走时新买的queen size床垫换上.

回去,又是另一个世界了.所有的不舍和思念,最后的离愁别绪都一点点打进行李里,然后锁住,托运,索性再也不想,只等在生活中的一朝一夕中,再把它们取出来,用它们下饭.

新的一年最欣慰的一件事大概是暑假威尼斯电影节的实习被录取了.毕竟全美只招30个人,笔试面试弄得筋疲力尽,已经不做他想,反而结果就出来了.好好啃下这个魔鬼学期,就把八月的威尼斯当作礼物吧.

实在不敢订计划,"计划"在我的字典里好象唯一的作用就是拿来辜负和破坏的.这一年,首先我希望能够顺利的度过这个学期.我将改编一个长篇剧情电影和创作自己的第一个大剧本,更不用说短片课和其他评论课了.做好背水一战的准备吧.

这一年,我还希望自己能有时间偶尔去跑步和游泳,抵制垃圾食品,减少外食,少用药.

这一年,我想再写点字.

这一年,希望我遇见上一年的困境和歹人时,能够更勇敢和从容.

最重要的是,父母,朋友,和自己,和这个世界,平安.

小的时候很喜欢这首诗,姑且作为结尾:

"一月，你还没有出现
　　 二月，你睡在隔壁
　　 三月，下起了大雨
　　 四月里，遍地蔷薇
　　 五月，我们对面坐着
　　 犹如梦中
　　 就这样六月到了　
　　 六月里，青草盛开 处处芬芳
　　 七月，悲喜交加 麦浪翻滚连同草地 直到天涯
　　 八月，就是八月
　　 八月，我守口如瓶
　　 八月里，我是瓶中的水 你是青天的云
　　 九月和十月 是两只眼睛，装满了大海
　　 你在海上 我在海下
　　 十一月尚未到来
　　 透过它的窗口
　　 我望见了十二月
　　 十二月 大雪弥漫 "

                                                   -------------------------------林白<过程>

 

刚从final week里解放出来就立刻收拾包袱上飞机了,十五个小时在不断的昏睡的间歇时,可以看见屏幕上的航行图,小小的飞机标志一点点,一点点的往前挪动,向着家的方向.

一连几天还是茫着,在机场给爸妈报平安,半年里第一次做指甲,圣诞红.踏着过膝长靴裹着大衣站在人潮中,一切都不真实.感觉仿佛闹钟一响又要抗着三脚架杀到片场,或者一晃神又回到editing suite里贴永远贴不完的audio track.

回家了才知道我有多么需要回家.需要连接在这片土地上吸收养份,需要握住家人朋友的手,需要不用担心洗衣服吸地毯刷盘子赶作业就闲闲的在我粉紫色的大床上数着窗帘上一片片的樱花,就这么无牵无挂的睡着,睡到闻见中午的饭香.

聪明的一休总是说,休息,休息一下.

我想我也需要这样安稳的稍息一下了.

妈妈把半年来每一期的三联周刊和城市画报都整理好放在我的床头,煲好银耳莲子汤,

还在赶论文的小熊猫闻讯我回来了直接半路就从南京站跳上车给我惊喜,

还有问我第一顿想吃什么的羊同学,头碰着头一起呼哧呼哧消灭羊肉串烤鸡翅的时候,这半年里吵的大小架好像都消散了,

晚上整理箱子,一份一份的分带给亲戚和朋友的礼物,心里很塌实.

叫我如何不想家.

 

 

很久以前看过蔡明亮的一部电影.天桥上卖手表的寂寞少年结识了要去巴黎的女孩子,于是把家里所有的时钟拨快七个小时,以这种私人意味的方式继续着两人之间浩淼的联系.

是不是跟的上你的时差,就不会迷路?

伦敦的小青,荷兰的yogi,悉尼的莎莎,还有国内的姐妹们,时差乱的一塌糊涂,就在网上随便碰,先问上一句你那边几点了.静静的一起成长的那些花儿,果真各自散落天涯.看着姑娘们在不同的时间和空间里努力打拼,自己也少不得从丹田里提口气,振作精神起来.

和国内花天酒地的日子比起来,现在本人的生活简直羞于启齿.所以用来提气的手段也只省下吃饭和购物两项.恰逢台湾周年庆,折扣打的让人难以拒绝,于是邮递过来一大箱,估计管个大半年是没问题啦.

(包含雪肌精大礼盒,植村秀樱花卸妆油和泡沫隔离,Fancl清洁面膜,我的美丽日记面膜套装,以及超级保湿不会浮粉的RMK粉底)

给美丽日记来个特写,是小抽屉状的哦,还送雅漾的喷雾.

万圣节前一周开始学校教室就挂满蜘蛛网,走道里也充斥着鬼火和骷髅头,连影片分析课都改成恐怖片专场,据说我们学院的halloween趴地是远近驰名的,期待看看是什么个玩法.周末去了大名鼎鼎的Knott's scary farm.要说这妖魔鬼怪的气氛,还是要算老美拿手,整个主题公园轮番着心理生理视觉听觉的吓唬你,就连在排队的时候也不能掉以轻心,没准你旁边站着的就是一个满脑袋血的僵尸.光顾着被吓得乱七八糟了,没拍上几张照片,而且里面烟雾缭绕,效果也不是特别好.

说回到万圣节当晚的趴地嘛...我算是丢人现眼了.原以为提前半小时出门随便去target买个猫耳朵或者兔尾巴糊糊算了,谁知道全体同学dress up,昴足了劲打扮,这群逼真的电影人物差不多也涵盖了百年电影史了.唉,我还是明年再想办法扳回一城吧.

还有一个多月就放假了,真快.无非也就是再来六个15页的剧本,三个短片,两个大论文,这个学期就过去了.其间的艰辛不足为外人道也,不过看看发下来的分数和评语,也算是值得.complain太多会变怨妇,不如写些小开心.

有新总统了嘛.一切总归都会好起来的.yes we can.

熬夜照一张:

back to work...

网路上看到家乡的消息.是关于那条翻新拓宽的马路.照片中的街景熟悉而又有距离感,以及那些匆匆被摄入镜头的路人.

翻到最后一张突然看见家.马路右侧矗立的那座双子楼.心猛得钝了一下.

把照片放到满屏.安安静静的看了一会.

原来楼面上的装饰是这样的橘色,原来A座比B座要多出三层.原来走的时候一直在装修的一楼大厅是家银行.

用指尖小心的触在屏幕上慢慢的数,也能从那一排小黑点中找到我家的厨房窗户.望过去,再望过去,仿佛也能看见豆沙红和银灰色的橱柜,沙锅里炖的一盅银耳百合.

 

圣诞节回程的机票在手,心态有些悄无声息的变化了.厌学和思乡让我放任自己的伤感和食欲.在LA干燥的秋季变成一个落拓的胖子.cycle拍完也有一阵子了,其实片场熬通宵并没有那么累,因为一直有工作要盯着,再加上和同事们说说笑,抓点零食来吃,也就过去了.期待剪辑出来的样片.这次身兼化服道三个部门,工作的辛苦和收获又哪止是区区字幕上的一行art director.然而对着电脑枯坐到清晨,睡意全无,光看着窗外一点点变白,声响渐渐的多起来,而文档里还是那几行字.这样的通宵才最辛苦.然后再胡乱冲个澡,赶去上课,走在校园里被明晃晃的大太阳逼的腿脚发软无处遁寻.心里鄙视自己像一条无用的咸鱼.

段段说,你不一样,你是有目标的人.

可我的目标呢?是堆在手边的每天更新的作业,还是那个遥不可及的像上辈子的文艺梦?都像又都不像.

收到一箱秋冬的衣物,每一件都独立的包好,分颜色和质地,整齐的叠放在纸箱里.看着箱子封口处妈妈写下的我的英文地址,非常不流畅,一个字母一个字母刻的很深,像小学生临字帖一样的认真.又鼻子一酸.小心的把它揭下来,夹进书本里.

不是我太想家,而是家给我的实在太多太好.